Without you
by ran-dom-full
Summary: Bella doesnt know how to cope when Edward dies. All human.


A/N : This story is dark. It contains drug abuse/ suicide. If you don't like it, don't waste your time reading it and getting pissed over it. Read and review please. It's like a fluffy stuffed animal. Kinda o.0

And another thing, its based on a true story. I just changed a few things….

Enjoy.

The bottle of pills were almost empty. It felt like I needed to get up and go buy more, but it wasn't like that. It's not like opening your pack of cigerettes and seeing only two left, you go buy more more. I couldn't look in the mirror, I knew what I already looked like, a mess. My hair would be wild and my face would look sunk in. I popped the last two of my pills and proceeded about straitening out my appearance. I looked up and saw his face on the other side, I knew it was just a ghost in my mind. I closed my eyes and opened to seeing my own face with tears in my eyes. I couldn't help it, the whole house smelled like him. His things were everywhere on the couch was his jacket, in the kitchen was "his" plate, in our room were his clothes and underwear thrown about. He was everywhere. No matter what I did I thought of him. It had been two months since he died. I counted the days,weeks, and now months since he has been gone. I bent down and began fixing myself up for the day ahead.

My voice mails on my phone were full. All of my friends and whatever family I had left tried to call. I didn't want to hear anyones voice. The day was bright and to colorful for my taste. I wish it would rain so hard that everyone would go inside and hide, while I walked the streets alone. My mission was to make it to the grocery store without freaking out. I was walking up to the entrance when someone called my name. "Bella!" I turned to see Jessica running up to me, with her baby on her hip. I thought about turning and just walking in the store but I couldn't be so cruel to her. "Bella, hey how are you?" she asked cooing at her baby boy. I remembered when Edward and I were thinking about a child. Jessica brought me out of my memories with her babble about kids and life. "-and you know I called like, a million times? You never call back or answer. Are you ok?" Jessica asked me while shifting her baby to her other hip. " I'm fine. Iv'e just been busy with work and my phone never really wants to work and I just don't have the money right now to get another." I said shrugging my shoulders. I didn't really know what else to say. I just wanted to be out of here. Away from the people; their eyes. "Well Jess, I really need to be going. I have plenty of errands to do today on my day off." I lied I havnt been to work in awhile. I think I may have bee fired. I didn't really care anmore. Jessica sighed and said to give her a call when I got another phone. Then I made my retreat into the cold store.

I only needed a few things like toilet paper, paper towels, and tampons. I really hadn't been eating much latley. I couldn't hold it down. I made my hasty retreat to my car and zoomed off before I could meet eyes with anyone else. I pulled into my drive way, not to see his car their. And another wave of pain hit me like it always did. Crying so hard that I couldn't breathe, and let it out. I would scream so loud. It didn't make me feel better, it just helped the crying part. I opened the door to our house and I almost wanted to call out your name, to see if you would answer. But, I know that wouldn't happen. I unpacked my two bags and put everything away. I grabbed a beer and turned on the tv.

About 3 hours passed and a dozen or so beer bottles littered the ground in my house. I turned the tv off, and stumbled into my room . Along the way I took off my clothes and went strait for the bathroom. I turned the hot water on full blast and let it steam up the bathroom, making the mirror fog up. I walked back to our room and everything was still in place ; a fine mess. I couldn't bring myself to pick up his things and put things back in order, because I knew everything would stay tighty. Not like when he was around, he was so unorganized. I grabbed my radio (sorta I kinda tripped) and set it up in the bathroom. And turned on Dallas Green's song Missing. It always made me cry but I loved the way his voice sounded. As I stepped into the hot water I rubbed the soap along my skin remembering the way he use to touch me like this when we would shower together. I thought about how he would hold my hips and rock back and forth to the music while we showered. I washed my hair and shaved. Then I couldn't find anymore reason to be in the shower. I just sank down and let the water run until there was no more hot water. I got out and put on his robe, I snuggled into the deep blue cotton. I hugged myself in it, trying to regain his touch, but it never happened.

I laid on my bed still listening to Dallas Green I closed my eyes and went back 2 months ago. When I lost him, my love, my soul mate,my husband.

-Memories-

"Edward! Quit leaving your clothes everywhere! That's why I can never catch up on laundry!" I Huffed at him. He made me so angry. He came out of our bathroom wearing his robe and smiled at me. "I'm sorry babe, it's an old habbit. I will try to remember to pick up my things I promise." And he leaned down and kissed me. I could never stay mad for long at him, he was my world. As I was his. He got dressed and was going to work, just was as I. We both kissed each other goodbye, and pulled out and went to work. I was so busy with paper work all day that when I got home I didn't realize Edward wasn't there. He always got home before me. I walked in and I got no answer. I called him on my cell, and he finally picked up :

Bella: Hey, where are you?

Edward: I got the promotion at work! The guys are celebrating with me at Tabby's Bar. Come on out with us baby!

Bella: Alright I will be there soon ok?

Edward: Sure babe! I love you!

Bella: I love you to. Bye.

I went to change into my tight long sleeved emerald sweater and pulled on some dark blue jeans with my leather black boots. I only had to touch up my hair and make-up since I went to work. I pulled out and drove to Tabby's Bar. I hated the place, it was nasty, but it had fun people inside. I laughed a little to myself when I thought of Jasper fighting some guy because he said he looked crazy.

I pulled up and a man came from the shadows and asked me if I had a cigerette. I replied no I don't smoke. So I walked inside to be greeted by a tipsy Edward and all of our friends. We had a great time. I didn't drink because I wasn't sure if I was pregnant. I mean Edward and I have been trying and I didn't want to make matters worse by drinking. We left the bar about 2 a.m. As we were walking towards the car Edward pushed me against it and kissed me softly and told me he loved me. I knew he was taking just to talk, but I believed him. I knew he spoke the truth, I knew because of the way he is with me. Something about it made me sure. As I called a tow truck to pick up Edwards car and bring it to our house. We waited and paid the man and gave him the keys. The tow truck guy left and we followed listening to our favorite songs on the radio. Until a man stepped into the road making me swerve away from him and hitting a lamp pole. I asked Edward if he was ok, he said yes. I jumped out of the car and looked around to see if I hit the man. I heard the man behind me, breathing in my ear. He told me to give him all my money. Just as this was happening Edward Stepped out the car and tried to calm the man down tossing him his wallet. The man's voice sounded familiar. He turned me around to look at his face, it was the man from the shadows of the bar. I couldn't speak. But, he once again asked me for my money. I told him it was in the car. I didn't know if he had a weapon, but I know Edward had one. As he walked me back to our smashed car, I dug around for my wallet. The man shouted to Edward to keep his hands on top of the car. I found the wallet and handed it to him. He still made Edward remain with his hands on the car. The man grabbed my chin and looked into my eyes and he said he wanted to keep me. When Edward heard that he reached into the car and grabbed the gun in the glove box and aimed it at the man.

The man instantly raised his gun that he was hiding under his jacket. Edward said he gave him all the money and the cards, just let me go. The man roughly threw me to the dirty streets and Edward walked up to me, never taking aim off the man, and picked me up and moved me behind him. I reached in my pocket to dial 911 but the man saw and shouted something and shot the gun in the air. Making me fall to my knees with my hands covering my ears. Edward stood still and was talking, the next thing I knew, the man aimed at Edward and so did Edward.

They both fired their guns.

They both fell to the ground.

I screamed and crawled to Edward crying and trying to tell him it would be ok. I pulled my cell out and made the call. The gun shot was around the shoulder area I couldn't tell from all of the blood. I tried to put pressure on it, but Edward grabbed my hands and spoke so softley that only I could hear it. "I love you. You are my world. I'll always be with you." Edward coughed up blood, and kept talking about love and kids and names. I was trying to tell him to hold on a little longer. But it was to late. He died in my arms on the street. That was when I felt a piece of me, die too.

-end of memory-

I opened my eyes and they burned from the crying. I rolled over and looked at our wedding photo, I smiled. I reached under the bed and pulled out our honeymoon album and there were nothing but us in our bathing suits , sun, sand, and palm trees. We went to Hawiaii. I loved every moment of it. As I shut the book, I wispered good bye.

I would eventually get past this, never over it. I just knew he was watching over me. I loved him. I always would. But, thinking about being with out him for as long as I lived seemed to long. No short. I don't think I can make it without him.

I walked back to the bathroom and opened the mirriors and fumbled with all the pill bottles and dumped many into my hands and tossed them into my mouth grabbing the cup next to the sink I filled it with water. I swallowed/chewed the pills at a rapid pace. I began to feel sick, I threw up in the toilet over and over and over again. Until I couldn't move anmore. I reached up again on the counter an knocked the pill bottle over until all the pills spilled onto the floor, and I took the last bit. It burned going down my throat but the pain was what I was going for.

I managed to crawl on the floor to my bed. I laid there listening to the music, "our" music we loved.

I think I fell asleep, I wasn't sure because Edward was in front of me holding his hand out to me, and I grabbed it.

And I never looked back.


End file.
